Thankful.
Really that is enough said, but there is so much more to say. This Thanksgiving day I am so thankful. I've said it before and I will continue saying it, this journey has not been easy by any stretch of the imagination. I've wanted to stop, quit and throw in the towel; but, with the support and encouragement of others, I haven't. Today I did the SOME (So Others May Eat) 5k in downtown, Washington, DC and it was an experience that I will never forget.
We got to the race site around 7:30am, mixed & mingled while watching the kids 1mile fun race and just sort of waited around until the start of the timed race. So we lined up at the rear of the start line for racers. The horn blew and everyone took off. Because there were so many racers, it took us roughly 3 minutes of walking up to the start line before we were actually able to begin running. There were so many people - people of all ages, sizes, various speeds, etc. While jogging, especially in the beginning, there was a lot of dogging through the people to continue on. I used the light posts as measuring sticks. I'd run through three-to-four light posts before speed walking to catch my breath. The leaders of the pack were passing us before I got to mile one and I couldn't help but watch them as they ran by. There running pace was aspiring, but more than that, just looking at their faces resolved something within me. Running is a sport/activity that is not for the faint of heart. It doesn't matter your weight or height, anybody who runs is committed to the activity. I couldn't help but stare at the ladies and gentlemen who were heavier than me, but continued jogging/walking regardless of their size. It was really motivating for me that I don't have to use my weight as an excuse of why I can't accomplish any physical activity. As we came to the 1.5miles marker, I could see the water station ahead. I was excited because my mouth was DRY. I didn't drink anything before the race because I didn't want to have to use the bathroom. But how about the water station didn't have any cups! Disappointment was written all over my face, but I couldn't stop, I had to keep going -thirsty and all. Passing the half way marker was exciting because inside I knew that I WAS DOING IT!! When I passed the 2mile marker something happened. A nice lady by the name of Ann came along side me (during one of my walking breaks) and started talking to me. Of course I can't ever pass up a good conversation, so I engaged with her, even though part of me didn't want to because I was focused on the task at hand - finishing this race with a decent time. We ended our conversation with, "See you next year!" and I picked up the pace with a brisk jog. I could see the finish line within my sights and knew that there was no stopping me.
Crossing the finishing line created a feeling that I can not describe. I could beat myself up because I didn't run the entire time, but I won't because there are way too many things to be proud of. I'm proud that I showed up. I'm proud that I started. I'm proud that I kept going. I'm proud that even when I wanted to quit and cheat by turning around at mile 1, I didn't (LOL). I'm proud that I worked hard to get to this point. I'm proud that even though a lot of people said that I couldn't do this, I didn't let that discourage me from trying. I'm proud that I haven't just talked about wanting to do this, but I'm actually doing it. I have a lot more work to do, but today I am PROUD of Rochelle Juanita Elizabeth Barnes.
As I sit here and reflect more, you know what I didn't do while on the course........I didn't look back behind me once, not once. We should never negate our past and everything that it involved. But our past does not have to limit our present or future. A song by Damita Haddon has been my theme song for the past few months - No Turning Back. Not turning back has meant being open and honest about where I'm at as well subjecting myself to accountability & support in this area of my life. I don't like accountability because it requires me to expose me, but it totally develops character. The amount of support has been unreal & appreciated. I finished the SOME race today with a time of 51:10 and a pace of 16:28. Considering I haven't done much training outside on the road, that is GREAT!
Thankful.
Years huh? I was not expecting to see that......that was totally not apart of the plan. So me being authentic to me started wondering, "Seriously Rochelle, is this a realistic goal? A 5k or 10k is completely different from a FULL MARATHON!" I'm not quitting on the journey or anything (since I'm not a quitter anymore - I gotta keep saying it over and over because sometimes if you don't speak to your own self it's easy to fall back into a place where you've come from) but I'm totally a little more wide eyed about what I'm trying to accomplish. So, now what? What am I going to do with this information?
