Silence is better....sometimes!

There is a lot that I would love to say right now, but exercising wisdom is more important than blasting someone or trying to prove a point.  Exercising wisdom and discretion is something that I've had to learn the hard way because I really like being right.  But not this time.  I just going to be silent and really listen.  I just may learn something in the process.

I Resigned Today

Today, Tuesday, June 12, 2012, I resigned from my position at First Baptist Church of Glenarden as the primary Scheduling Coordinator.  I was so nervous because it makes my decision more than just talk.  It's more than an idea to toy around with in my head.  Here we go, are you praying with me?

More People Know

As more people find out about what I'm doing, it makes my impending move WAY more real and extra scary.  You know what else?  It's kinda pressureful.  That's not a real word, but it best describes how I feel.  Like I have to do a great job and "walk out my purpose" right?

WAIT A MINUTE...

Am I putting uncessary pressure on myself???  I think I am.  I am putting pressure on myself to do and be something that meets the expectations of others.  But if I take my favorite scripture Proverbs 3:5-6 and live that, to trust in the Lord with all of my heart and lean not on my own understanding; in all my ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct my path.  Moving to Tulsa to go to school fulltime at 34 years old with no savings or job to go to makes no sense in my own mind (and in the minds of a lot of others also).  Since God is very clear in His word that His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts, I can probably rest in the fact that He has a pretty good plan.  Trusting Him secures my path and brings clarity in the direction and way I should go. 

...taking a deep breath and calming down.  It's going to be ok Rochelle (I'm letting you into my self care pep-talk) because now is the time. You've been prepared for right now.  Tomorrow will take care of tomorrow, but you have everything in you to get through today.  There isn't one experience that was a mistake or accident. 

Tap Recital - ANOTHER VICTORY

At the beginning of the year I received a Living Social Deal from Knock on Wood Tap Studio.  That e-mail sparked the desire that I've had for years to tap.  I never did anything with it because I was told that I was too heavy.  I saw the Drew Carey Show and they had a scene with tapping and there was a heavy tapper.  From that point on I knew it was possible, but I didn't know what or where to go.  Receiving the  Living Social Deal e-mail was the direction I needed in order to become a tapper!

Ms. Yvonne

Classes started in January and who would have thought that I'd actually pick it up??  I picked the steps up pretty easily too.  We learned how to shuffle, flap, break, and a host of other things.  The goal was to learn the ShimSham routine so that we could perform it.  As time went on and my work schedule intensified I missed a lot of classes.  Ms. Yvonne Edwards (my teacher) was amazing with me.  Extra patient (yet firm when needed) and forgiving.  She allowed me to come to extra classes so that I could catch up.  I learned the routine that my class members were going to perform, but I wasn't comfortable with it so she suggested I perform with the beginners only on the ShimSham.

Instead of being my normal nerves of steal, today I was ball of anxiety with a multitude of questions rolling around in my head - "what if I freeze", "what if I forget my part", "what if I fall, oh Lord, I can't break another bone today", "I don't wanna look like a goober on stage", "Rochelle, why are you even here, just go home!", "oh Lord, your friends are here...if I mess up they are going to laugh at me".  I'll spare you with the rest of my thoughts but just know that there were a host more.  Group 5 finishes and the time has come.  Who would have thought it; but, I get to lead our group out on the stage.  I stand in the back waiting for my time to shine.  When the time comes, I stepped up to the plate, stopped thinking and did what I've been practicing since January.  For that moment in time, I was a tapper.  Every step was not done correctly, but I was doing something that I was told I couldn't do!  Today was another victory in overcoming/dispelling the lies that I've embraced over the course of my life.

Accepted to Oral Roberts University

You won't believe it...well maybe you will...I have been accepted to Oral Roberts University.  That was one of the changes that I have been dying to talk about.  I applied to Oral Roberts University because (this may sound weird to some) God told me too.  See, I am a natural rebel.  That has beneficial components because I am not easily swayed when I make up my mind regarding a topic; but, the negative side is that it takes a lot for me change my mind (even with the things of God...I know...I know, totally not good) regarding a topic. 

I'm currently in school at The Art Institute and close to getting my AA, so why apply for a different school now?  Especially one that requires a complete life changer (environment, community, etc.)?  FEAR!!  I have lived in fear of so many things for so long and have compromised and settled for less than I should have.  When you’re afraid, it's easy to make compromises and stay stuck.  School is scary for me because I don't learn or understand like everyone else.  I can fake my way through things, but it really takes a lot more for me to "get it".

There is a story in the Bible where a man named Jacob wrestled with an Angle all night long.  Just to give you some background, Jacob was the twin brother to Esau.  Their parents were Isaac and Rebekah who were both partial to one son.  Before a father passes away, he speaks blessings over his children and the oldest son receives the birthright blessing which equates to a double portion blessing.  Well, Esau was technically the eldest son, but Jacob tricked Esau to get the birthright (double portion blessing) from their father Isaac before he passed away.  As you might expect, Esau was hot as fish grease with his brother and was going to kill him.  Jacob fled to another land, gets married, has children (the tribe of Israel), works hard and gains wealth.  But, what he doesn't have is forgiveness from his brother.  Long story short, Jacob decides not to allow fear to grip his heart any longer (totally scary), is schedule to see his brother, but the night before wrestles with an angel all night fighting for a blessing.  The angel blesses him, but touches his hip socket so that he walks with a limp for the rest of his life.  Later that day he sees his brother who embraces him and all is well.

I can identify with Jacob.  Even though he fled, God still blessed him.  He worked hard and established himself.  I went back to school majoring in Graphic Design because I thought I wouldn't have to write papers (my biggest fear in life) which is like Jacob's fleeing.  It's time to face my fears so that I can be everything God wants me to be.  Am I scared....ABSOLUTELY OUT OF MY MIND!! Do I have a concrete plan....NOPE!!  Do I even have the resources to make this happen....NO WAY!!

BUT

I know that when God calls us and challenges us to do something, He will provide everything that we need to accomplish this task at hand.  This is going to be an interesting new chapter in my book.  What do you think I should name it?

Change is on the Horizon

There is so much happening in Rochelle Land that I feel like I can barely contain the excitement and information.  Some of it I can't share just yet, but what I can say is....

1.  I made a decision that although I enjoy running, there are physical things happening with my body right now that I just can't ignore and have chosen to engage in other sporting activities for right now.  This won't last always and I have NOT given up on running a full marathon, it's just not my A number 1 priority right now.

2.  Within the next week I will have LIFE CHANGING news.  Nothing bad, actually it's really good.  I'm excited and nervous all at the same time.

3.  I changed up the look to my blog, what do you think about it?

4.  This summer is going to be filled with adventure, excitement and new experiences.  Stay tuned for updates.

I know, I know.....the above is not a lot of info/update, but trust me, more is coming and it will blow your socks away.  Love ya and thanks for going on this journey with me.

Major DecIsion Time

I have a major decision to make.

I have not done any consistent running since my half marathon last October.  I haven't talked about it much, but it was for a reason.  Every time I'd walk/run, my hands and legs would painfully swell.  The swelling would go down after while in my hands, but not really in my legs and ankles.  After some testing, my doctor has diagnosed me with something that I'm not sure what my thoughts are regarding the matter.  Clearly I believe that God is bigger than any test or diagnoses, but I also believe that I need to exercise wisdom at the same time.

So, do I continue on this Marathon Journey, or do I find another sport to engage in.....like maybe swimming, biking or.....IDK.  I'm torn, I'm really torn.  I'm giving myself until April 29th to make a final decision.  What are your thoughts?