Honesty rests in our stillness

When I'm asked the question, "how are you, how are things going?" my response has been, "I'm doing fine, things are ok".  Someone called me today and asked the question and I gave my answer, but her response sent a shiver up my spine.  She said, "YOUR LYING!"  Long story short, I start crying (in the library no less, but it's good that I was in a secluded location) because I'm not fine.  I haven't been true to me.  I've kind of withdrawn into a tortoise shell to escape everything happening around me.  My home is my refuge now.  As soon as class is over, I bolt home because it's there that I'm in control over what happens. I don't have to wonder what someone thinks of me, I don't have to make friends, I can just be.  But I didn't travel over 1,300 miles to be withdrawn.  I have too much life within me to remain silent just because I don't have any friends or can't control every situation.  That never stopped me before, why is it stopping me now?

I'm sitting here on my bed and the room feels still (excluding the clicking of the keyboard keys as I type).  In our stillness, we get clarity and direction.  The clarity for me?  Be true to who you are Rochelle.  Talk, socialize, fight for what's right.  I may not know every step to take associated with this journey, but I can't stop moving all together.  Tomorrow I have six classes.  I'm going to have a conversation with someone in each one of them and let you know what happens.  Pray with me.